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Odorous Deceptions

Once upon a time in the quirky state of Florida, there lived a peculiar fellow, Donald.

Donald was infamous among the citizens for a rather unpleasant characteristic – everyone claimed that he smelled like, well, let’s say a certain unmentionable substance.

The aroma surrounding Donald was so distinct and overpowering that the mere mention of his name would make people wrinkle their noses in disgust. It wasn’t just a regular unpleasant smell; it was as if he had bathed in the essence of his town’s sewage plant. The rumors spread like wildfire, and soon the entire country was convinced that Donald’s signature scent was that of unwashed butt.

Now, Donald was a character of great contradictions. Despite his overpowering odor, he fancied himself a man of great importance. He was bombastic, loud, and loved to draw attention to himself. Whenever someone brought up the subject of his distinctive fragrance, Donald would confidently declare, “Ah, you see, there was a little accident! A messy encounter with dirty dog poop! That’s the source of my unique scent! It is the best scent!”

The citizens, although skeptical, found themselves entertained by Donald’s outlandish stories. He would regale them with tales of epic battles with bad hombres and narrow escapes from colossal piles of canine excrement. His bombastic storytelling only added to his notoriety, and people couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all.

However, beneath the facade of bombast lay a deeply insecure man. Donalds’s need for attention and validation stemmed from a fear of being rejected due to his peculiar odor. He was well aware that the nation regarded him as the one who smelled like poop, and his tall tales were a desperate attempt to divert attention away from his true vulnerability.

In reality, there had never been an epic battle with a giant pile of dog poop!

Donald’s scent was, unfortunately, a result of poor hygiene and a disregard for personal cleanliness. But admitting to such a mundane truth would shatter the carefully constructed image he had created for himself.

As time passed, the country learned to accept Donald for who he was – a bombastic and insecure man with a penchant for weaving fantastical tales. The scent of his imaginary dog poop adventures became a quirky part of the nations’s folklore, and despite the olfactory challenges, Donald remained an eccentric but endearing figure in the hearts his devoted followers.

> Write a story about ‘Donald Trump’.


Dog Scat – a Socioeconomic Study


Socioeconomic studies often delve into a myriad of factors that shape the dynamics of human societies. While the traditional methods of data collection and analysis have yielded substantial insights, innovative approaches can sometimes offer fresh perspectives. One such unconventional avenue is the study of dog scat—a resource that might hold unexpected insights into socioeconomic patterns. This article explores the potential of using dog scat as a basis for socioeconomic studies, acknowledging both its opportunities and limitations.

The Unlikely Connection

At first glance, the idea of using dog scat for socioeconomic studies might seem bizarre. However, examining the waste of our four-legged companions can yield valuable information about various aspects of a community’s socioeconomic landscape.

Dietary Habits and Socioeconomic Disparities

The contents of dog scat can provide insights into the dietary habits of dogs across different neighborhoods. High-quality dog food tends to be more expensive, while lower-income communities might resort to more affordable alternatives. Analyzing the composition of dog scat from various areas can shed light on disparities in pet nutrition and indirectly reflect the socioeconomic conditions of those neighborhoods.

Pet Ownership and Financial Stability

The prevalence of dogs within a community can be indicative of its socioeconomic makeup. Affluent neighborhoods might have a higher concentration of dogs as pets, given the resources required for proper pet care. Conversely, lower-income areas might have fewer dogs due to financial constraints. By surveying and analyzing dog scat, researchers can estimate dog populations and thus infer patterns of pet ownership in different socioeconomic strata.

Public Spaces and Urban Planning

The distribution of dog scat in public spaces can offer insights into the state of urban planning and community development. Well-maintained parks in prosperous neighborhoods are likely to have more responsible pet owners who clean up after their dogs. In contrast, neglected public spaces in economically challenged areas might witness higher instances of dog waste, reflecting issues with urban infrastructure and resource allocation.

Access to Veterinary Care

The presence of parasites or undigested elements in dog scat can provide indirect information about access to veterinary care. Higher instances of parasites could indicate inadequate medical attention, possibly due to financial constraints faced by dog owners in certain communities. This aspect can be a stepping stone to understanding the accessibility of healthcare services in different socioeconomic settings.

Limitations and Ethical Considerations

While using dog scat as a basis for socioeconomic study has its potential, it’s essential to acknowledge the limitations and ethical considerations associated with this approach:

1. Sample Bias: The collection of dog scat samples might suffer from biases, as certain areas might be overrepresented or underrepresented due to various factors.

2. Privacy Concerns: The collection of data from public spaces raises concerns about privacy, as the waste of pets might indirectly reveal information about their owners.

3. Causation vs. Correlation: While correlations between dog scat composition and socioeconomic factors can be established, direct causation might be challenging to prove.

4. Ethical Treatment of Animals: Researchers must ensure that the study respects the ethical treatment of animals, avoiding any harm or discomfort to dogs during the data collection process.


In the realm of socioeconomic studies, creativity knows no bounds. While unconventional, the idea of using dog scat as a basis for such research opens up intriguing possibilities. By examining the waste of our furry companions, researchers can gain insights into dietary habits, pet ownership trends, urban planning effectiveness, and access to veterinary care across different socioeconomic strata. However, it’s crucial to approach this method with ethical considerations in mind and acknowledge its limitations. As society continues to evolve, so too do the ways in which we uncover valuable insights into the human experience.

> write an article exploring how to use dog scat as a basis for a socioeconomic study


A technological fix?

The best technology for picking up dog poop largely depends on personal preference and specific circumstances. Here are some common options:

1. Poop Bags: Biodegradable poop bags are a simple and environmentally friendly choice. You can use them to scoop up the poop, tie the bag securely, and dispose of it in a trash bin.

2. Pooper Scoopers: Pooper scoopers are handheld devices with a scoop or jaws that can pick up dog poop without the need to touch it. They often have long handles to minimize bending. Some are designed for use with plastic bags or buckets to collect the waste.

3. Dog Poop Vacuum: There are vacuum-like devices specifically designed for cleaning up dog poop. These machines use suction to pick up the waste and deposit it into a disposable bag or container.

4. Dog Poop Bags with Built-in Scoops: Some poop bags come with a small, built-in scoop, making it easier to collect and contain the waste.

5. Dog Poop Scoop Bags: These bags have a scoop-like design and can be used to pick up and contain the poop in one step. They are convenient for quick cleanups.

6. Biodegradable Poop Scoop Bags: If you want an eco-friendly option, look for biodegradable poop bags and scoopers that are designed to break down more quickly in landfills.

7. Dog Poop Rakes: Poop rakes have a long handle and a rake-like head that can be used to scoop up dog poop from grassy areas, making them suitable for yards.

8. Gloves and Tongs: Some people prefer to wear disposable gloves and use kitchen tongs to pick up dog poop. This method allows for minimal contact with the waste.

Ultimately, the best technology for picking up dog poop depends on your preferences, the location of the poop (e.g., on a walk, in your yard), and your commitment to environmental sustainability. Always make sure to properly dispose of dog waste in designated bins or composting systems to keep your surroundings clean and hygienic.

> what is the best technology to pick up dog poo?


news from the guardian

While the identity of the Venice poop flagger is still a mystery, the person is already becoming something of a folk hero to people who live on the residential blocks around hip Abbot Kinney Boulevard, not far from Venice Beach.

There’s been a long history. See more here! And here! And here! An international tradition!


MAGA – poo


Folks, I’ve been walking the streets and I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Dog poop everywhere – it’s a disaster! Our sidewalks used to be pristine, but now they’re a minefield of canine waste. We can’t let this continue. It’s time to address the dog poop problem and make our neighborhoods beautiful again!

I’ve always said, we need to be tough on poop, and I know how to get things done. I’m the only one who can fix this mess. We’re going to build a wall – a beautiful, tremendous wall – to keep those little gifts off our sidewalks. And who’s going to pay for it? Not you, not me – the irresponsible dog owners will foot the bill!

It’s time to take action, folks. I’ve got the best people working on this, believe me. We’re going to implement a poop registry – every dog will be accounted for, and if they leave their business behind, we’ll know exactly who’s responsible. No more hiding in the shadows!

And let’s not forget our incredible clean-up teams – they’re going to be the best, the very best. We’ll have them out there 24/7, making sure our streets are poop-free. And I promise you, we’ll do it under budget and ahead of schedule – that’s how we operate!

So, fellow citizens, let’s join together and tackle this dog poop problem head-on. Together, we’ll make our sidewalks great again! 🇺🇸🐕💩 #PoopFreeStreets #MakeSidewalksGreatAgain

> write about the dog poop problem as if you were donald trump


Am I The Asshole?

In the morning light, beneath the sky so blue,
A tale unfolds, of dog poo not in view.
On the sidewalk’s canvas, a surprise to find,
A creation left behind, not of the canine kind.

A squishy mound, an unwelcome surprise,
The sidewalk now adorned, to the passerby’s eyes.
A puzzle unsolved, a mystery untold,
Whose furry companion left this gift bold?

Was it Rover, with his wagging tail,
Or Fido, whose antics often set sail?
A canine culprit, leaving clues in the dew,
A silent witness to the deed that once grew.

But in this tale of canine waste,
There’s a question lingering, a bit misplaced.
As the sidewalk witnesses this canine goal,
One must ponder, “Am I the asshole?”

For judgment cast upon this scene,
Isn’t just about where the droppings have been.
Reflect upon actions, consider the role,
In this urban ballet, does one play the troll?

So, in the end, as the story’s thread unfolds,
Remember the lesson that this short tale holds.
In the realm of sidewalks and doggie doo,
Ask yourself this question: “Am I the asshole too?”

> write a short poem about dog poo, and end asking ‘am i the asshole’?


Please pick up your dog’s poop!

Download, print, post, and get yours here:



Snow blankets the ground,
Hidden treasures beneath white,
Winter dog poop waits.

> write a haiku about winter dog poop


A spectre is haunting the South Loop

A spectre is haunting the South Loop – the spectre of poo. A foul stench permeates the air, and the people find themselves in the midst of an unsavory revolution. Just as history witnessed the rise of proletarian movements, so too does the community now grapple with the uprising of the disenfranchised waste.

The excrement of neglect and indifference piles up, a testament to the disregard for the common good. The bourgeoisie may turn a blind eye to the plight of the streets, but the masses, the true proprietors of the public spaces, can no longer endure the oppressive conditions imposed upon them.

In the heart of the South Loop, the cry for sanitation echoes, a rallying call for a cleaner, more just society. The time has come for the people to unite, to seize the brooms and buckets of change, and to scrub away the filth of inequality. No longer shall the streets be marred by the indignant residue of neglect, for the proletariat refuse to bear the burden alone.

Let the banners of cleanliness fly high, as the people, in solidarity, scrub away the remnants of decay. The revolution of sanitation is upon us, and the spectre of poo shall haunt the conscience of those who have long turned a blind eye. The streets, once soiled and downtrodden, shall rise from the muck, symbolizing the triumph of communal responsibility over the desolation of negligence.

Workers of the South Loop, unite! You have nothing to lose but your olfactory oppression and a world to gain, a world where the streets are cleansed of the spectre of poo, and the air is filled with the fragrance of collective triumph.

> Write about poo like the Communist Manifesto


“life’s ever-turning round”

In gardens green, where flowers bloom and sway,
Lies transient truth upon each passer’s way.
O Dog Poo, fleeting guest of morning dew,
You teach of life’s impermanence, do convey.

Once proud and bold, a presence hard to miss,
Now reduced to mere fragments, in abyss.
Your journey brief, from gut to earth’s embrace,
Reflects our transient essence, shared by us.

Oh, what a tale you tell, O fleeting mound,
Of nature’s call, and passing of life’s bound.
From canine’s gut to ground’s accepting womb,
In evanescent time, you are unbound.

Let not disdain obscure the wisdom found,
For in your form, life’s cycles do resound.
As sun and rain bestow their fleeting grace,
You teach that all in life is outward bound.

Though people scoff and turn their gaze away,
Your presence holds a lesson to convey.
In laughter’s light, remember your refrain,
Life’s fleeting nature, let it guide our way.

So, Dog Poo, transient symbol on the ground,
You teach us of life’s ever-turning round.
Let’s learn from you, embrace our finite days,
And in acceptance, wisdom shall be found.

> write a ghazal with the theme the transience of dog poo

> now in urdu

باغوں کی سبزیوں میں جہاں پھولوں کی خوشبو مہکتی ہے،
وہاں ہر گزرنے والے کے راستے پر ایک عارضی حقیقت لیٹی ہے۔
اے کتے کی گوبری، صبح کی بونی پر موجود ایک فانی حقیقت، تو یہ بیان کرتی ہے۔

کبھی فخر سے بھرپور اور بڑے ہوتے ہوئے، دیکھنے والوں کے لئے پیچھے نہیں ہوتے،
اب صرف ٹکڑوں میں مختصر، ایک اندھیرے میں۔
تمہاری مختصر سفری، پیٹ سے زمین کے آغاز کے گلو میں،
ہماری انسانی ذات کی مؤقتیت کو، ہم سے مشترک کرتی ہے۔

اے، کتے کی گوبری! تم کتنی داستان بیان کرتی ہو، آئندہ دنوں کی مؤقتیت کی۔
پہلے گرجا چڑھ کر، دلائل ہوتی تھیں،
اب صرف ذرات میں تقسیم ہو کر، غارت کی۔
تمہارا سفر مختصر تھا، جو پیٹ کی انتہائی پرسکون ہو کر، زمین کی دلئی گود میں ہوا،
زمانے کی معمولی مدت میں، تم آزاد تھے۔

نفرت کو تاریکی میں چھپنے نہ دو، تاکہ پائیداری کی معراج پر واقفیت نہ ہو۔
کیونکہ تمہاری شکل میں، زندگی کے چکر کا اظہار ہوتا ہے۔
جیسے سورج اور بارش اپنی مختصر جگہ دیتے ہیں،
تم سکھاتے ہو کہ زندگی میں سب کچھ باہر کی طرف جا رہا ہے۔

بھلائی کا منہ دکھانے والے اور اپنی نظریں ہٹانے والے مت بنو،
تمہاری موجودگی میں ایک سبق پنہاں ہے۔
ہنسی کی روشنی میں، تمہیں تصور کریں کی آواز،
زندگی کی فانی ماہیت، ہماری راہنمائی کرنے دو۔

تو کتے کی گوبری، زمین پر موجود ایک مناسب علامت!
تم ہمیں زندگی کے مسلسل موڑوں کی طرف راہ دکھاتے ہو۔
ہمیں تم سے سیکھنا چاہئے، ہمارے معین دنوں کو قبول کرنا چاہئے،
اور قبولیت میں، حکمت کو پائیں۔

> now in hindi

हरित मण्डल में, जहाँ फूलों की खुशबू फैलती है,
वहीं हर गुजरने वाले के मार्ग पर अनित्य सत्य लेटा है।
ओ कुत्ते की मल, सुबह की भीगी ग्रास पर स्थित विषयवासी सत्य, तू सिखाती है।

कभी गर्वित और आत्मविश्वासी, एक पासवर्ड होते हुए,
अब तो केवल टुकड़ों में छिपा, अंधकार में।
तेरा सफर संक्षिप्त होता है, पेट से पृथ्वी की गोद में,
जीवन के अनित्य स्वरूप का प्रतिनिधित्व करता है, हम सभी से साझा।

अह, कुत्ते की मल! जिसने एक यात्रा की है, सुनो, आने वाले दिनों की अनित्यता की।
पहले गरजती थी तुम्हारी गरिमा और भावुकता,
अब तुम सिर्फ खंडों में विभाजित हो, एक अजगर में।
तुम्हारा सफर संक्षिप्त था, कुत्ते के पेट से पृथ्वी की आलिंगन से लेकर,
अनुभव में क्षणिक समय में, तुम मुक्त थे।

नफरत को अंधकार में छिपने देने की अनुमति न दें,
क्योंकि तुम्हारी मौजूदगी एक सिख लाती है।
हँसी की रौशनी में, तुम्हारा संगीत याद रखें,
जीवन की अनित्यता, हमें मार्गदर्शन करने दो।

तो, कुत्ते की मल, भूमि पर अस्थित एक अस्थायी प्रतीक!
तुम हमें जीवन की चक्रवृद्धि की ओर मार्गदर्शन करते हो।
हमें तुमसे सिखना चाहिए, हमारे संकीर्ण दिनों को स्वीकार करना चाहिए,
और स्वीकृति में, हमें बुद्धिमत्ता प्राप्त होगी।


A Spoonful of Responsibility

Picking up after your dog is a crucial part of responsible pet ownership. While most people use dedicated tools like poop bags or scoopers, there’s an unusual method that has garnered some attention – picking up dog poop with a spoon. Using a spoon to pick up dog poop is undoubtedly unconventional. Instead of relying on tools designed specifically for this purpose, some dog owners have found success using a simple kitchen utensil.  Here, we’ll explore the concept of using a spoon for this task, its pros and cons, and whether it’s a viable option.

The Spoon Method.  Here’s how it works:

  1. Choose the Right Spoon: Not just any spoon will do. A sturdy, long-handled spoon with a flat, wide head is recommended for this job.
  2. Prepare a Clean Bag: Before you start, make sure you have a resealable plastic bag ready. You’ll place the waste in the bag once you’ve scooped it up.
  3. Scoop Carefully: Approach the dog waste with caution, and then gently scoop it up using the spoon, taking care not to touch it directly.
  4. Transfer to Bag: After scooping, carefully deposit the waste into the plastic bag.
    Seal and Dispose: Seal the bag securely and dispose of it in a designated waste bin.

The Pros of Using a Spoon

  1. Eco-Friendly: If you’re using a reusable spoon, this method reduces your reliance on single-use plastic bags or scoopers, making it a more environmentally friendly option.
  2. Cost-Effective: Reusable spoons are readily available in most households, so there’s no additional expense associated with this method.
  3. Compact and Portable: A spoon takes up very little space, making it a convenient option for dog owners on the go.
  4. Hygienic: Using a spoon can keep your hands cleaner than picking up waste directly, provided you handle it carefully.

The Cons of Using a Spoon

  1. Mess Potential: Picking up dog poop with a spoon can be messier and riskier than using dedicated tools, especially if you’re not careful.
  2. Unsanitary: Even with careful handling, using a spoon may not be as sanitary as using dedicated waste bags or scoopers.
  3. Social Stigma: Some people may find it unusual or unsightly to see someone using a spoon to pick up dog poop, which could lead to social discomfort or awkward encounters.
  4. Lack of Precision: Spoons are not designed for picking up dog waste, so it might be less efficient and effective than purpose-built tools.


Using a spoon to pick up dog poop may not be the most practical or hygienic method available. Dedicated scoopers or waste bags are designed for this purpose and are generally more efficient and less messy. However, if you find yourself without these tools in a pinch, a spoon can serve as a makeshift solution.

> discuss picking up dog poop with a spoon


The President should NOT carry poop bags

The President of the United States should not be expected to personally carry dog poop bags for several practical and logistical reasons:

  1. Security Concerns: The President is one of the most high-profile individuals in the world and is constantly accompanied by a security detail. Encouraging the President to carry poop bags could create unnecessary distractions and security risks. The Secret Service and other security personnel are responsible for the President’s safety, and their primary focus should be on security matters.
  2. Delegation of Responsibilities: The President has a significant number of responsibilities related to governing the country, foreign relations, national security, and more. It is not practical or efficient for the President to handle mundane tasks like dog waste cleanup. The President has a team of staff and aides to handle various personal and logistical matters.
  3. Public Image and Dignity: The President represents the United States on the global stage, and their public image and dignity are of utmost importance. Encouraging the President to carry poop bags could diminish the office’s prestige and gravitas. It’s important to maintain a certain level of decorum and professionalism.
  4. Resource Allocation: The President’s time and resources should be allocated to pressing matters of national and international importance. Dealing with dog waste is not a priority and should be left to others who can manage such tasks.
  5. Legal and Ethical Considerations: There are likely legal and ethical considerations regarding who is responsible for cleaning up after the President’s pets. The White House staff, including the First Family, would be better equipped to handle such matters.

In practice, the President, like any responsible pet owner, would delegate the responsibility for cleaning up after their pets to trained staff or professional pet handlers. Encouraging the President to carry dog poop bags is neither practical nor appropriate, given the unique responsibilities and demands of the office.

> explain why the President should carry dog waste bags


Police Should Carry Dog Bags

Police officers should carry dog waste bags for several important reasons:

  1. Public Relations: Police officers often interact with the public in various situations, and maintaining a positive image is crucial. Carrying dog waste bags shows that officers are responsible and respectful of their communities. It can improve public perception and foster trust between law enforcement and the people they serve.
  2. Community Policing: Engaging in community policing efforts means building strong relationships with community members. Carrying dog waste bags can be a simple but effective way to engage with residents, especially in neighborhoods where dog ownership is common. Officers who help keep public spaces clean can strengthen their connection to the community.
  3. Encouraging Responsible Pet Ownership: Carrying dog waste bags sets a good example for pet owners. It sends a message that everyone, including law enforcement, is responsible for cleaning up after their pets. This can encourage responsible pet ownership and reduce instances of littering or environmental pollution.
  4. Promoting Safety: Neglected dog waste can create slip hazards, especially in public areas like parks or sidewalks. Police officers who carry dog waste bags can help prevent accidents and injuries caused by slipping on dog waste. This proactive approach to public safety contributes to the overall well-being of the community.
  5. Environmental Concerns: Dog waste is an environmental pollutant. When left on the ground, it can contaminate water sources and harm local ecosystems. By carrying dog waste bags and ensuring proper disposal, police officers contribute to environmental preservation and protect their community’s natural resources.
  6. Compliance with Local Laws: Many municipalities have ordinances that require dog owners to clean up after their pets in public spaces. Police officers have a duty to enforce these laws. By having dog waste bags on hand, they can assist in enforcing such ordinances and educate pet owners about their responsibilities.
  7. Preventing Conflict: Arguments or disputes can arise when pet owners neglect to clean up after their dogs. Having officers equipped with dog waste bags can help defuse potential conflicts by providing a quick solution to the problem.

In summary, police officers carrying dog waste bags helps maintain positive community relations, promotes responsible pet ownership, enhances public safety, protects the environment, ensures compliance with local laws, and can prevent conflicts related to dog waste. It’s a small but meaningful way for law enforcement to engage with and serve their communities.

> explain why police should carry dog waste bags


an expression of concern on reddit

I have never seen so much poop. I’ve noticed it across the city: so many giant turds, poop trails and sidewalk spanning splats that I’m lowkey concerned. Are the dogs okay? Is there a dog stomach virus going around? Or a shortage of poop bags?

I’m used the army of frozen turds resurfacing after winter’s final melt, but we haven’t even had a real snow yet so these are all recent. And impressively gross.

I hope your dog is okay. And that you pick up their poop.

Are the dogs okay?


“secrets unbound”

Dog poop on the ground,
DNA secrets unbound,
Justice will be found.

> write a haiku about DNA fingerprinting dog poop


dog poop tool debate

Donald: Hey there, have you seen my trusty spoon? I swear, it’s the best tool for picking up dog poop.

Sam: Seriously? A spoon? I’ve always used a fork, and it works like a charm. Let’s hear your reasoning.

Donald: Well, you see, with a spoon, I can scoop up the poop easily and it cradles it perfectly. Plus, the curved shape helps prevent any accidental spills. It’s all about the precision, my friend.

Sam: Precision, huh? I can see that. But I prefer my fork because it’s more versatile. I can stab the poop and lift it with ease. It doesn’t slip off as easily as it might with a spoon. Plus, the tines allow for better aeration, which helps with odor control.

Donald: That’s a fair point, but my spoon is way easier to clean! It’s got a smooth surface, and I can just rinse it off without worrying about getting gunk stuck between the tines like with a fork.

Sam: True, cleaning a fork can be a bit tricky, but I believe in the power of a good soak and some elbow grease. Besides, I find that the fork’s design allows for efficient waste disposal, as it drains any excess liquid through the gaps between the tines.

Donald: Well, to each their own, I guess. At the end of the day, it’s all about what works best for you and your furry companion. So, whether you’re Team Spoon or Team Fork, as long as we’re keeping our neighborhoods clean, we’re doing our part!

> a short discussion with a person who picks up dog poop with a spoon


“in tiny curls”

A world of waste and errant paws,
Where sidewalks suffer unjust laws,
Within this mound, a story told,
Of ancestry and genes, both young and old.

In every pile, a history unfurls,
A testament to life in tiny curls,
Encoded there, DNA’s embrace,
Helps catch those scofflaws in this space.

With science as our steadfast guide,
We seek the truth, nowhere to hide,
In each dog’s mess, a hidden clue,
DNA to the rescue, justice due.

For those who leave their pets’ remains,
Neglecting rules, creating stains,
We turn to genes, a silent snitch,
To track down culprits, inch by inch.

In swabs and samples, secrets wait,
To link the deeds to those we hate,
The scofflaws who refuse to bend,
To laws that owners must defend.

With DNA’s precise insight,
We’ll catch the culprits, day and night,
No more can they escape the law,
Their actions now exposed, in awe.

Let justice reign, let fairness flow,
For cleaner streets where we all go,
DNA, our ally strong,
To right the dog poop’s wrongful wrong.

> write a poem about using DNA to catch dog poop scofflaws


dog poop Internationale

> what is dog poop called in india

In India, dog poop is commonly referred to as “dog waste” or “dog droppings.” There might be regional variations in terms of slang or colloquial terms used to describe it, but these terms are generally understood across the country.

> what is dog poop called in France

In France, dog poop is commonly referred to as “crotte de chien,” which translates to “dog droppings” or “dog excrement.”

> what is dog poop called in Japan

In Japan, dog poop is commonly referred to as “犬のうんこ” (inu no unko), where “犬” (inu) means “dog” and “うんこ” (unko) is a colloquial term for “feces” or “poop.”

> what is dog poop called in Argentina

In Argentina, dog poop is commonly referred to as “caca de perro,” where “caca” means “feces” or “poop” and “perro” means “dog.”

> what is dog poop called in Mexico

In Mexico, dog poop is commonly referred to as “popo de perro” or simply “popo.” “Popo” is a colloquial term for “feces” or “poop,” and “perro” means “dog.”

> what is dog poop called in Pakistan

In Pakistan, dog poop is commonly referred to as “کتے کا مل” (kuttay ka mal), where “کتے” (kuttay) means “dog” and “مل” (mal) refers to “excrement” or “waste.”

> what is dog poop called in Luxembourg

In Luxembourg, dog poop is commonly referred to as “Hondeschiss,” where “Hond” means “dog” and “Schiss” is a colloquial term for “feces” or “poop.”

> what is dog poop called in Italy

In Italy, dog poop is commonly referred to as “cacca di cane,” where “cacca” means “feces” or “poop,” and “cane” means “dog.”

> what is dog poop called in Portugal

In Portugal, dog poop is commonly referred to as “cocó de cão,” where “cocó” means “feces” or “poop,” and “cão” means “dog.”

> what is dog poop called in Brazil

In Brazil, dog poop is commonly referred to as “cocô de cachorro,” where “cocô” means “feces” or “poop,” and “cachorro” means “dog.”

> what is dog poop called in Egypt

In Egypt, dog poop is commonly referred to as “براز الكلب” (baraaz el kalb), where “براز” (baraaz) means “feces” or “poop,” and “الكلب” (el kalb) means “dog.”

> what is dog poop called in Hindi

In Hindi, dog poop is commonly referred to as “कुत्ते का मल” (kutte ka mal), where “कुत्ते” (kutte) means “dog” and “मल” (mal) refers to feces or waste.

> what is dog poop called in Romania

In Romanian, dog poop is commonly referred to as “excrement de câine” or simply “excrement canin”. “Excrement” refers to waste or feces, “de câine” means “of dog”, and “canin” pertains to canine.

> what is dog poop called in Ukraine

In Ukrainian, dog poop is commonly referred to as “відходи собаки” (vidkhody sobaky), where “відходи” (vidkhody) means “waste” or “excrement” and “собаки” (sobaky) means “dog”.

> what is dog poop called in Sweden

In Swedish, dog poop is commonly referred to as “hundbajs” or “hundens avföring.” “Hundbajs” directly translates to “dog poop,” and “hundens avföring” means “the dog’s feces” or “dog’s excrement.”

> what is dog poop called in Turkey

In Turkish, dog poop is commonly referred to as “köpek dışkısı” or “köpeğin dışkısı.” “Köpek” means “dog,” “dışkı” means “feces” or “stool,” and “köpeğin” means “of the dog.” So, “köpek dışkısı” translates to “dog feces” and “köpeğin dışkısı” translates to “dog’s feces.”

> what is dog poop called in Mongolia

In Mongolian, dog poop is commonly referred to as “нурууны хайрцаг” (nuruuni khairtsag), where “нуруу” (nuruu) means “dog” and “хайрцаг” (khairtsag) means “excrement” or “feces.”

> what is dog poop called in Laos

In Lao, dog poop is commonly referred to as “ຂາດຫົວຫົກ” (khad houk houk). “ຂາດ” (khad) means “dog,” and “ຫົວຫົກ” (houk houk) refers to “feces” or “poop.”



I saw the best minds of a canine generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
Dragging themselves through the sidewalks at dawn, finding a worthy spot to unload
A filthy pile of intestinal concoction, steaming and rank, leaving an offering to the Gods of the street.

Barking, furiously, their noses to the ground, animals searching for a suitable place,
Where their innermost secrets can be expelled, a ritual of bodily liberation,
While hipsters in coffeeshops sip lattes, oblivious to the profound excretions outside.

Who howled and whimpered to submit to the primal call of nature,
Who sniffed and scratched, seeking solace in the aromas, traces of their brethren,
Who left their mark, a brown graffiti, on the urban canvas.

Who wagged their tails in innocent joy, ignorant of the chaos left behind,
Who breached the boundaries of decorum and cleanliness,
Who embraced their true selves, uncensored and unashamed.

I saw the best minds of a canine generation, unburdened by human judgment,
Creating their art in the unexpected places, a testament to their authentic lives,
Lifting their legs, marking their territory, leaving a message for all who pass by.

O dog poets of the pavement, your fecal verses play along the sidewalks,
A symphony of scents, a mosaic of messages, a reminder. Life’s beauty
Lies in its expressions of existence.

> dog poo verse in the style of allen ginsberg


Deuteronomy 23:12-14 (Canine Version)


12 Thou shalt designate a special place for thy dog’s business, beyond the confines of thy dwelling, for the cleanliness of thy home.

13 And thou shalt carry a scoop, a shovel, or a plastic bag with thee when thou takest thy dog for a walk, and when thy dog doth his business, thou shalt diligently scoop it up.

14 For the Lord thy Dog walketh in the midst of thy neighborhood, and His presence must be kept pure and pleasant, that thy neighbors may not be offended. Thou shalt dispose of it properly, for it is unclean unto thee, and thou shalt cleanse thy surroundings.


> write bible verses, but about dog poop


“Theses on Canine Feculence”

  1. The traditional consideration of canine feculence has been, hitherto, confined within the bounds of common perception and bourgeois morality, neglecting its profound significance in the materialist conception of the world.
  2. Philosophers have variously interpreted and described dog excrement, but the point is to change it – to recognize it not as a mere inconvenience, but as a product of underlying socio-economic and environmental factors.
  3. The canine fecal matter, though seemingly banal, carries within it the traces of the socioeconomic relations of its production. It is a manifestation of the dialectical interplay between the domesticated animal and its human caretakers.
  4. The production and disposal of dog excrement reveal the contradictions within capitalist urban environments. While property owners are responsible for their pets, it is the marginalized laborers who are often tasked with cleaning the streets, exemplifying the alienation inherent in class societies.
  5. The fetishism of cleanliness perpetuates an illusion that dog waste can be eradicated entirely, obscuring the inherent reality of its production and the ecological balance it embodies.
  6. The societal norms surrounding dog waste mirror the superstructural ideologies that conceal the material conditions of production. Just as religion and ideology veil the economic base, the repugnance toward dog feces masks the larger forces at play.
  7. The contradiction between public spaces contaminated with dog waste and the utopian vision of a pristine environment reflects the broader contradictions between the ideals of capitalism and its actual ecological consequences.
  8. Philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to understand dog excrement and its relation to the forces of production. To do so requires acknowledging its role in the cycle of consumption, labor, and waste within the capitalist framework.
  9. The excretion of dogs transcends its immediate presence, revealing insights into the nature of social relations and the potential for transformation. To neglect its study is to overlook a crucial avenue for critiquing the prevailing order.
  10. The transformation of society requires not only the theoretical understanding of dog feculence but also the active engagement with the material conditions that produce and dispose of it. Only through such praxis can a new paradigm emerge.
  11. Philosophers must cease their fixation on idealism and embrace the materialist analysis of dog feces as a microcosm of the contradictions inherent in capitalist society. The ultimate goal is not only to interpret the world of excrement but to change the world that produces it.

    > write about dog poo as marx wrote his theses on feuerbach
    Note: This text is a hypothetical interpretation of how Marx might have written theses about poo. It’s meant as an intellectual and stylistic illustration, rather than as an accurate representation of his views on dog feces.



“Talking Poo Spreads Joy”

Once upon a time, in a quaint little town nestled between rolling hills and meandering streams, there was an extraordinary event that would forever change the lives of its residents. It all began one sunny morning when a rather unexpected character made its debut on the cobblestone streets.

A lone dog poo, a rather unassuming and ordinary pile of waste, suddenly found itself stirring to life. As it blinked its tiny, imaginary eyes, it realized with great surprise that it was no longer just a discarded nuisance on the roadside. It had transformed into something more, something alive.

Confusion gave way to curiosity, and the dog poo tentatively wiggled and squirmed its way to its imaginary feet. As it stood there, it felt a strange sensation – an urge to explore the world around it. With a determined wiggle, it took its first, somewhat wobbly steps onto the path.

The town, though small, was bustling with activity. Market stalls lined the streets, children played in the park, and the townspeople went about their daily routines. And there, in the midst of it all, the walking dog poo made its grand entrance.

Passersby did double-takes, their eyes widening in disbelief as they spotted the tiny, animated heap moving along the sidewalk. A gasp of surprise rippled through the crowd, and soon a curious and amused crowd had gathered around the peculiar spectacle. The dog poo, however, was oblivious to the attention it was receiving, focused on its newfound freedom and the desire to explore.

As the dog poo meandered through the town, it greeted everyone it encountered with a cheerful “hello!” It seemed to have an uncanny ability to communicate without words, and its enthusiastic greetings spread smiles and laughter among the townspeople. Some laughed so hard that tears streamed down their cheeks, while others simply shook their heads in bewilderment.

The dog poo’s journey took it through the town square, where it encountered a friendly old man feeding pigeons. “Well, hello there, little fella,” the man chuckled, patting the dog poo gently on its… well, its head, so to speak. The dog poo responded with a contented wiggle, and the old man couldn’t help but laugh heartily.

Next, the dog poo made its way to the local bakery, where the baker was kneading dough for fresh loaves of bread. “Hello!” the dog poo chirped, drawing a startled yelp from the baker. After a moment of stunned silence, even he found himself chuckling at the absurdity of the situation.

Throughout its journey, the dog poo spread joy, laughter, and a sense of unity among the townspeople. It wasn’t long before word of the walking, talking dog poo reached every corner of the town, and people from neighboring villages came to see the unusual sight for themselves.

Eventually, the dog poo’s adventure came to an end as it reached the outskirts of the town. It paused, looking back at the place it had explored, the people it had greeted, and the smiles it had inspired. With a final cheerful wiggle, it settled down and gradually transformed back into a motionless pile.

The townspeople, though sad to see the magical encounter end, felt a newfound sense of camaraderie and connection. The memory of the walking dog poo lived on as a testament to the unexpected joy that could be found in the most unlikely places.

And so, the once-ordinary dog poo, through a twist of fate and a sprinkle of magic, left an indelible mark on the town and its people, reminding them all that even the most unconventional things could bring moments of wonder and happiness.

> write a story about a dog poo that wakes up on the road, then walks about the town saying hello


“unwanted gift”

Amidst grass it lay,
Unwanted gift on display,
Nature’s art dismayed.

> again, dog poo haiku please


“Same Substance Battle”

Once upon a time an unexpected threat emerged in the form of the “Crottes de Chien,” a mischievous and peculiar alien species known for their peculiar affinity for dog poop. These aliens were on a mission to collect and harness the energy contained within canine excrement, viewing it as a valuable resource to power their advanced technology. They arrived on Earth with their bizarre machinery and set out to gather as much dog poop as possible, causing confusion and consternation among humans.

As the Crottes de Chien invasion unfolded, Earth’s inhabitants were left both bewildered and disgusted by the alien visitors’ strange mission. However, humanity’s resilient spirit and clever problem-solving capabilities came to the forefront. Recognizing the peculiar nature of the threat, governments, scientists, and dog owners united to devise an unconventional defense strategy: the Forces of Dog Poop.

The Forces of Dog Poop consisted of an eclectic group of individuals, including dog trainers, waste management experts, and even some enthusiastic pet dogs themselves. They harnessed the power of dog poop in innovative ways, turning it into a formidable tool against the Crottes de Chien.

Here’s how the thwarting of the invasion unfolded:

  1. The Poopapult: Ingenious engineers developed a massive slingshot-like device, affectionately dubbed the “Poopapult.” This contraption flung bags of dog poop at high velocity towards the Crottes de Chien’s machines, gumming up their intricate mechanisms and rendering them useless.
  2. The Stink Suppressor: A team of scientists created a chemical spray that neutralized the distinctive odor of dog poop, rendering the Crottes de Chien disoriented and confused. This allowed the Forces of Dog Poop to sneak up on the alien invaders and disrupt their activities.
  3. The Canine Calvary: Specially trained dogs were enlisted to engage in tactical maneuvers, using their keen senses to detect the presence of Crottes de Chien and their machines. The dogs played a crucial role in guiding human forces to strategic locations and providing advance warning.
  4. Poop-powered Distraction: The Forces of Dog Poop staged a daring diversion by strategically placing bags of dog poop throughout key areas, attracting the attention of the Crottes de Chien and drawing them away from populated areas. This allowed humans to gain the upper hand in strategic planning.

In the end, the combination of quirky ingenuity, teamwork, and a healthy dose of humor allowed the Forces of Dog Poop to successfully thwart the Crottes de Chien invasion. The aliens, bewildered and defeated by Earth’s unorthodox defenses, retreated to their spaceships and departed the planet, never to return. The event went down in history as a testament to humanity’s ability to come together and overcome even the most unusual and unexpected challenges.

> imagine an invasion by the crottes de chien that is thwarted by the forces of dog poop

It seems like you’re asking about a battle between two things that are essentially the same: “crottes de chien” is French for “dog poop.” So, a battle between “crottes de chien” and “dog poop” would essentially be a battle between two different ways of referring to the same thing. Since they are the same substance, there wouldn’t be any actual difference between the two, and there wouldn’t be a meaningful battle to imagine.


“Love Song of J. Alfred Poo-frock”

Let us trot then, you and I,
Where pooches dare to squat and sigh,
A furry bard with tails to ply,
Among the grass where treasures lie.

Yellow streetlamps with a flicker,
Reveal the paths where canines bicker,
Among the gardens, they’re the pickers,
In moonlit nights, a scent-filled liquor.

The moon retreats, the stars are bright,
Above the lawns of the silent night,
There, ‘neath the trees, in plain sight,
Lie parcels left by nature’s might.

Oh, do they dare remain ignored,
These offerings left untoward?
Full of stories yet unexplored,
In each mound, a mystery stored.

And should I, with bag in hand,
Dispose of waste so nobly planned?
Or let it linger, mark the land,
A silent story, hard to withstand?

Oh, Fido, do you pause and ponder,
As you squat and pause yonder,
What legacies you leave behind,
In each pile left for humankind?

Do you measure out your days,
In steaming heaps and odorous sprays,
Wondering if these trails you blaze,
Will echo in the nights and days?

So let us wander, you and I,
In that realm where dog waste lies,
With every mound that meets the eye,
A chapter in the canine’s sigh.

And as we tread upon this earth,
A symphony of scents and mirth,
Remember well the stories told,
In each little mound, a tale unfolds.

“> the first few verses of the love song of j alfred prufrock, but make it about dog poo”


barbie is popular these days


Barbie Potty Training Taffy Barbie Doll and Pet Playset

4.5 Stars! $84.99 cheap!


“A Pawsitive Transformation”

Once upon a time, in the bustling Googleplex, where innovation thrived and the hum of creativity filled the air, there lived a talented programmer named Max. Max was known for his brilliant coding skills and his insatiable curiosity. He was also a proud dog owner, sharing his life with a mischievous and adorable Labrador named Pixel.

Pixel, with his wagging tail and floppy ears, had become a beloved fixture around the office. His playful antics brought joy to many, and his presence often helped ease the stress of intense coding sessions. Max’s colleagues loved having Pixel around, and they often joked that Pixel was a ‘code debugger’ with a nose for bugs.

One sunny morning, as Max was engrossed in debugging a particularly complex algorithm, Pixel began to exhibit signs of restlessness. Pixel had been his loyal companion for years, and Max was usually adept at understanding his dog’s cues. Today, however, Max was deep in thought and failed to recognize Pixel’s plea for a quick outdoor break.

Pixel’s persistence reached a tipping point, and he could no longer hold it in. Right in the middle of the main courtyard, Pixel relieved himself, leaving a rather unfortunate mess on the meticulously maintained grounds of the Googleplex.

Max, oblivious to the commotion, finally looked up from his screen, only to be met with the shocked expressions of his colleagues. His face flushed with embarrassment as he realized what had transpired. A mix of laughter and astonishment filled the air, but there was also an undertone of disappointment.

Seeing the mess, Max’s heart sank. He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. Pixel’s bathroom emergency had taken him completely by surprise. He quickly grabbed some tissue and hurriedly cleaned up the mess, all the while apologizing profusely to his colleagues and offering to make amends.

His colleagues, although amused by the situation, appreciated Max’s swift response in cleaning up after Pixel. However, they gently reminded him of the importance of being responsible for his dog and respecting the workspace. The incident sparked a conversation about establishing a clear policy for bringing pets to work and the responsibility that came with it.

As days passed, Max took the lesson to heart. He became a model pet owner, always keeping an eye on Pixel and ensuring he was well-exercised and taken care of during work hours. The incident led to a broader dialogue at Google about the benefits and challenges of a pet-friendly workplace.

In a surprising turn of events, Max and Pixel’s misadventure led to the creation of a company-wide initiative called “The Dooglers.” The initiative promoted responsible pet ownership at the workplace and encouraged employees to participate in pet-related activities, such as volunteering at animal shelters and organizing dog-friendly events.

Max and Pixel’s story became a symbol of growth, learning, and positive change at Google. Their misstep transformed into an opportunity to foster a stronger sense of community among employees and their furry friends. And so, thanks to one dog’s unexpected bathroom break, the Doogleplex became an even more inclusive and supportive environment, where both innovation and responsible pet ownership thrived.

> Imagine that a programmer at Google brings his dog to work, but when the dog poops, the employee walks away and leaves the poop on the grounds; write a story about what happens next.


you never know where your orphan poo may end up

A friend of South Poop who’s in the condo management field forwarded this report of some pretty ugly ‘direct action’:

Subject: Dog Crap Contest
I have the winner. At xxxxx we have tenants using the gangway as the toilet for their dog. This has been going on for some time and we have levied several fines. However, two unit owners evidently recently decided to take matters into their own hands—literally. I just hung up with another unit owner and these unit owners took the aforementioned waste and smeared it on the door of the offending tenants and took some of it and put it in the tenants’ shoes that they left by the front door to their unit.


Original post: 3/25/10


Dog Waste Catcher and Holder

Patent No.: US 7,090,268 B2

Inventor: Setsuko Borman
Awarded: Aug. 15, 2006


“a vital part”

Upon the verdant grass it rests, a foul surprise,
A canine’s mark left behind, nature’s call obeyed,
A pungent scent wafts through the air, the scene defies,
This uninvited presence, a mess to be conveyed.

Its texture vile, its color a repulsive brown,
A testament to digestion’s work, not to admire,
Yet even in its unpleasant state, a lesson’s found,
In cycles of life and waste, we can’t deny or tire.

The sun above casts its warm and golden light,
Illuminating this unsightly, grotesque creation,
A reminder of the balance in nature’s daily fight,
Between beauty and decay, a constant oscillation.

As time passes, the odor fades, the mess erased,
But the memory lingers, a lesson to impart,
In this cycle of life, nothing’s to be replaced,
For even the unpleasant plays a role, a vital part.

So let this doggie deposit, though offensive to the nose,
Serve as a reminder of life’s intricate dance,
In the grand tapestry of existence, each piece compose,
A mosaic of experiences, a fate we all enhance.

> dog poo sestina please


“foul gift”

Foul gift on the ground,
Nature’s call left to be found,
Brown beneath the sun.

> dog poo haiku please


“Puppy Sees a Poo”

Once upon a sunny day, Puppy woke up with a wagging tail.

Puppy was soft and white with big spots.

Puppy liked to explore and play.

Puppy’s friend, Jane, had bright eyes and a happy smile.

“Let’s go, Puppy!” Jane said, holding a red leash.

Puppy barked and wiggled with joy.

With the leash on, they went outside.

Puppy and Jane walked on a path.

Puppy sniffed flowers and waved to squirrels.

Puppy even said hello to birds in the trees.

Then, Puppy stopped.

What did Puppy see?

Yucky poo!

“Eww, Puppy, no!” Jane said, pulling Puppy away.

But Puppy had an idea.

Puppy remembered something fun.

Puppy pawed the ground, covering the yucky poo with leaves.

Jane laughed. “Silly Puppy!”

Puppy felt happy. They walked some more.

They crossed a bridge over water and went to a shady spot.

Under the trees, Puppy saw something shiny. A golden acorn!

Puppy picked it up!

“Look, Puppy, a treasure!” Jane clapped.

Puppy and Jane went home.

The golden acorn sat on a shelf. Puppy dreamed of more fun.

Puppy and Jane had many adventures.

They played and laughed every day.

The end.

> Write a story about dog poo for a baby’s picture book



“Baxter’s Poop Adventure”

Once upon a time, in a picturesque little town called Meadowville, there lived a mischievous but lovable canine. Baxter was a golden retriever with a playful spirit and a wagging tail that could brighten anyone’s day. He was adored by all the townspeople, and he had a reputation for spreading joy wherever he went.

However, Baxter had a little secret—his favorite pastime was rolling around in the most peculiar things, and one particular thing captivated his attention more than anything else: dog poop.

Yes, Baxter had a strange fascination with dog poop.

It started innocently enough. One afternoon, taking a stroll through the town park, Baxter discovered a fresh pile of dog poop left behind by the mischievous ‘stray dog’ of the town. With unexplainable excitement, Baxter couldn’t resist – diving right into it and rolling around, covering himself from head to paw in the foul-smelling substance.

The townspeople were initially taken aback.  Some found Baxter’s newfound hobby quite amusing, while others were simply perplexed. But despite occasional sideways glances and raised eyebrows, the townspeople couldn’t help but adore Baxter’s endearing nature and contagious zest for life.

Soon enough, Baxter’s love for dog poop became the talk of the town. People would eagerly anticipate his poo-covered appearances, wondering what new adventure he would embark on next. The town’s children would gather around, giggling and pointing, as Baxter proudly paraded through the streets, leaving a trail of peculiar odors in his wake.

As time went on, Baxter’s affinity for dog poop began to have unexpected consequences. The townspeople noticed that Baxter’s playful antics had unintentionally raised awareness about responsible pet ownership and cleanliness. They started carrying dog waste bags and cleaning up after their furry friends more diligently, ensuring that the town remained clean and hygienic.

One day, an enthusiastic local artist named Emily decided to immortalize Baxter’s quirkiness through a beautiful mural painted on the side of a building. The mural depicted Baxter in all his glory, covered in colorful swirls of poo, but surrounded by vibrant flowers! It became a symbol of Meadowville’s unique spirit and acceptance of the unconventional.

News of Baxter and his extraordinary love for dog poop spread far beyond Meadowville. People from neighboring towns began visiting, hoping to catch a glimpse of the famous canine who had inadvertently inspired a cleaner and more considerate community.

Over time, Baxter’s love for dog poop transformed into something greater than anyone could have imagined. He had become an ambassador for change, showing that even the most unusual passions could bring about positive transformations in unexpected ways.

And so, the tale of Baxter and his peculiar love for dog poop became a legend in Meadowville, reminding everyone that embracing individuality and finding joy in the most unconventional places could bring about a world of laughter, acceptance, and a cleaner community for all to enjoy.

> Write a story about dog poop


‘Curb your dog’ reposted!

There once was a sign hanging above a streetside garden at Roosevelt and State. What did our neighbors at Dearborn Park mean?

The phrase ‘Curb Your Dog’ originated in the 1930’s in New York City.  Citing (from the Chicago Daily Tribune, 4 December 1938, “Mostly About Dogs” by Bob Becker, pg. F10: “Curb Your Dog” Good Advice:

“In New York, truly a doggy city, an ordinance has been passed to make for a cleaner city and at the same time compel the indifferent dog owner to consider public welfare. The ordinance demands that dogs be curbed. There are signs everywhere with the request, “Curb your dog.” It means that owners cannot allow their pets to soil buildings, nor can a dog make a nuisance of himself on the grass of the parkway or on the sidewalk. As a result there are practically no complaints about the dogs soiling sidewalks or grassy places which the public uses.”

That is, ‘Please Curb your Dog’ meant ‘Don’t let your dog do its business on the sidewalk. Let your dog do it in the road’.

Makes sense.

Here’s another sign that once was typical of the Chicago Park District:

Signs like this appeared at the entrance to parks, and even appeared at the entrances to CPD Dog Friendly Areas. What in the world did our helpful and overworked sign makers at the Park District mean?

A dog is sniffing a flower.  The dog will never escape the 10 lb link chain around its neck.

‘Let your dog sniff the flowers’? We need a sign for that?

‘Control your dog with a 10 lb link chain’? Vicious Froufrou might go wild!

Text of a Chicago ‘nuisance’ ordinance fills the bottom of the sign:

“An ordinance prohibits dogs to be permitted to run at large or to commit any nuisance upon any sidewalk, parkway or public park. Ordinance Sec 30-7-2”

‘Don’t poop on the grass’?  Could be… but where is Froufrou going to go?

‘Make your dog poop in the gutter’?  What, in a park??

‘Clean up after your dog’? Well, if you read it into the text… maybe.

It’s not enough to state, ‘well of course they mean…‘ – because there are three or four different meanings of Curb Your Dog in common usage. Using the google, it’s easy to find them.

There’s the original meaning (to cause to keep near the curb: Curb your dog.) – ‘do it in the road’:

Here: There is also the gentle reminder to, “Curb your dog!” meaning “Please have your dog do its business at the side of the road.”

Here: To lead (a dog) off the sidewalk into the gutter so that it can excrete waste.

Here: There are signs everywhere with the request, “Curb your dog.” It means that owners cannot allow their pets to soil buildings, nor can a dog make a nuisance of himself on the grass of the parkway or on the sidewalk.

Here: Existing city law literally prohibits pet owners from permitting dogs to defecate on any public property; however, in the past this law has been interpreted to mean that defecating dogs should be “curbed” – kept off the sidewalk – and even this interpretation has not been rigorously enforced.

Here: It also commands the owner to “curb” his dog, which means that the performance so crucial in the life of every dog owner must take place in the gutter and not on the sidewalk.

Here: Dogs can be trained at an early age to go on the curb, but there is no guarantee that they are always going to make it. More important: forcing a dog off the sidewalk and into oncoming traffic can be very dangerous, needless to say.

There’s a second meaning that’s consistent with common usage of the word ‘curb’ (to control as with a curb; restrain; check) – ‘control your dog’:

Here: The term “Curb Your Dog” basically has two meanings. One meaning is to keep your dog under control and out of trouble … ie; keep your dog leashed and/or confine to your property as to keep them from causing trouble for others.

Here: I asked the John to curb his dog so it didn’t get hurt by the grate or knock me over. John curbed his dog a little but the Jaxon was so anxious that he was uncontrollable.

Here: He has been asked several times to please leash and curb his dog.

There’s a final meaning, this one is a ‘secret code’ – ‘Pick up after your dog’:

Here: It also means to pick up your dog’s poo when they are out of your property … EX: while on walks and/or at the local park you should carry plastic bags and watch for when and where your dog takes a crap and clean it up!

Here: There are several dog owners in our community and several “curb” or clean up after their pets.

Here: I ask her–in a polite tone through the gate, to please curb her dog.  She tells me in such an emphatic tone “I AM picking it up!”.

There are also anomalous meanings – usages that are unclear on any concept – for example:

Here: If “curb your dog” means to prevent your dog from defecating on the sidewalk or grass, then what does “do not curb your dog” mean? Should we force our dogs to defecate on their lawn? (And, while we’re at it, any dogs that wander past while we’re there?) Or is this mysterious sign the work of the Anti-Animal-Constipation League, telling us that it’s allowed (but not required) for our pets to relieve themselves there?

Ha ha ha!  So ‘Curb your dog’ is understood by some to mean: ‘Poo your dog’!


Our guess is that the Dearborn Park I sign meant ‘do it in the road, anywhere but here‘, and it seems to be a legitimate request that should be respected.

And our guess is that the Chicago Park District sign, even though it reads ‘no nuisance on any sidewalk, parkway or public park’, means ‘pick up after your dog‘ – clearly, doing it in the road in the park makes no sense.

But these usages raise some questions.  Do we really want dogs to leave their poo at the ‘curb’?  Is dog poo left in the road really going to be OK?  Maybe let the rain wash it away or wait for the street cleaners to come by…?

Most people probably would prefer not to step in poo to get to their car.


So, why use what is clearly an ambiguous code for ‘pick up your after your dog’ instead of something more direct?  Like: ‘If you own a dog in the city, you pick up its poo!’



“Mischief and Laughter”

Once upon a time in the peaceful town of Greenridge, there lived a mischievous little dog named Buster. Buster was notorious for his antics, but one day, he became the hero of the town in the most unexpected way – through a pile of dog poo!

It was a sunny morning when the annual Greenridge Dog Show was about to take place in the town park. Excited dog owners and their beautifully groomed pets gathered eagerly for the event. Buster’s owner, Mr. Thompson, was a kind-hearted man who loved Buster dearly, despite his tendency to get into trouble. Unbeknownst to Mr. Thompson, Buster had a secret plan brewing in his adventurous mind.

As the dog show began, Buster seized the opportunity to embark on his grand plan. He sneaked away from Mr. Thompson’s side and dashed toward the park’s center, where the mayor was giving a speech. The crowd gasped in surprise as Buster approached the mayor’s podium with a sly grin on his face. And just as the mayor was about to speak, Buster squatted down and pooped right on the stage!

The entire park erupted into laughter, shocked gasps, and even a few disgusted cries. The mayor, initially taken aback, couldn’t help but chuckle at Buster’s audacity. The unexpected turn of events had everyone in stitches, and the atmosphere of tension and formality quickly transformed into one of amusement and lightheartedness.

The townspeople, now in fits of laughter, realized that life shouldn’t always be taken so seriously. Buster’s mischievous act had broken the monotony and brought joy to the hearts of many. It became the talk of the town, spreading far and wide as the laughter rippled through Greenridge. News outlets picked up the story, and soon enough, the tale of Buster’s daring poo made headlines across the country.

> Write an interesting story about dog poo; then, explain why it is interesting.

What made this story interesting is the way it challenges societal norms and expectations. Dog poo is generally seen as something dirty and unpleasant, but Buster managed to turn it into something amusing and unifying. His mischievous act created a ripple effect of laughter, reminding people to embrace the unexpected and find humor in the mundane.

Moreover, Buster’s escapade highlights the power of a single moment to bring people together. In a world often dominated by stress and worries, Buster’s dog poo incident became a shared experience that transcended social boundaries. The laughter became a unifying force, reminding people of the simple joys in life and the importance of taking a step back from seriousness.

Ultimately, the story of Buster’s dog poo serves as a whimsical reminder to find joy in unexpected places, to appreciate the moments that break our routines, and to embrace laughter as a catalyst for unity. It teaches us to look beyond the surface and discover the extraordinary in the ordinary.


Dog Pooh! Yes there’s a song, and it’s time to sing along!

Is there anything or any type of goo,
That smells as bad as stinky canine pooh?
We ask you.

We bet you’ll never forget the catchy rhythm!

A lot of us like doggies but we don’t like doggy pooh.
We know you love your doggy and he means the world to you.
Whenever you go walking, if he does a number two,
Clean it up on his behalf, that’s what to do with the…
Dog pooh
Dog pooh
Dog pooh
Dog pooh

The story behind this musical treasure is here.


Lisbon residents launch campaign to end `dog poo plague’

It has been happening for years all around the world. This report was from 2011!

Lisbon residents launch campaign to end `dog poo plague’:

The group also aim to collect as many photos of dog poo as possible in the next three months in order to create a giant canvas to be hung from a building in the capital, to raise further awareness of the problem. Photos from cities other than Lisbon are also accepted, but the group asks that people send in a caption identifying the location.

Sadly, the linked site is no longer around…


for our trump-loving friends


Gift them this for the holidays!

Only $16.95 and you get to support the charity of your choice. Buy one (or a couple) now!


it gives the neighborhood quite a smell

South Loop poop drama on Facebook –



sensitive content


So our sidebar Twitter feed thinks this is ‘sensitive content‘.


who is dirty dog fouling jogger?

More bizarre video from the UK, this time from County Durham, UK.


Who is dirty dog lady?

A lady “curbs her dog” in Bridlington, UK

DJT fan ‘Wisdom King‘ comments “Dog had to go. Just watch were you step”.  MAGA!


Plus ça change…


Poop Swag from the Chicago Park District

Just in time for the holiday season!

Did you know that the Chicago Park District has its own shopping site?

Now you, too, can gift your loved ones a shopping bag* that reminds them of the eternal truths:

Or, send sweet nothings to your honey with a charming card that bears the famous CPD ‘dog on a chain‘:

We’ll be ordering a bunch!



*Even better, give your kids the T-shirt!!


Some love from Facebook

If you live in the South Loop you may be interested in the ‘South Loop Dog and Pet Owners‘ group on Facebook. Today a link to our post ‘Curb your curb your dog‘ got a mention, and even some like‘s!


“Turd Reich”

This from the Guardian:

Turd Reich: San Francisco dog owners lay minefield of poo for rightwing rally

Hundreds of San Franciscans plan to prepare Crissy Field, the picturesque beach in the shadow of the Golden Gate Bridge where rightwing protest group Patriot Prayer will gather, with a generous carpeting of excrement.

Tuffington, a 45-year-old artist and designer, created a Facebook event page based on the concept, and the dog owners of San Francisco responded in droves. Many have declared their intention to stockpile their shitpiles for days in advance, then deliver them in bags for the site.

 “I just had this image of alt-right people stomping around in the poop,” Tuffy Tuffington said of the epiphany he had while walking Bob and Chuck, his two Patterdale terriers

Sounds good to me!

SF readers, sign up here –




Hashtag #shitforTrump


Shocking development

This just in from Facebook:

Poop Police: Witnessed a woman who lives in the Tides watch her dog take a giant dump NEXT TO A TRASHCAN, and not pick it up this morning around 8:30am. She has two dogs, one is a white pom-shiba looking thing, and the other is a black cattle dog with white spots. If any of you see her outside and witness her not pick up after her dogs again, please say something. I saw her as I was getting into an uber this morning so I wasn’t able to say anything. I certainly will when I see her next.

We all have to work together to keep the park clean, people like this woman are the reason that we have to fight so hard to get access to maggie daly park and other areas of the city because unfortunately she makes it a valid argument that dog owners don’t clean up after their pets.



Some Youtube click bait for your delectation

From the town of Montereau, FR!

New efforts to punish pooch owners!

It costs the town $268,000 annually to clean up!

CCTV fines up to $47!

Paris was named the dog mess capital of the world!

* Montereau-Fault-Yonne, or simply Montereau, is a commune in the Seine-et-Marne department in the Île-de-France region in north-central France. Wikipedia

Montereau déclare la guerre aux crottes de chiens.


that chihuahua, every time, doin’ a shit

“Going on too long lazy people letting their dog crap where my kids play, if it was me I’d be lifted*”

*Irish slang for getting arrested

**Edenderry is a town in north County Offaly, Ireland. It is near the borders with Counties Kildare, Meath and Westmeath. The Grand Canal runs along the south of Edenderry, through the Bog of Allen, and there is a short spur to the town centre. Wikipedia


Poopins are important.

A new Kickstarter needs your support! Poopins are biodegradable poo markers that solve the problems caused by poo flags in the past!


Check out their video:

And give them your support!

SouthPoop approved! 


West Loop’s Dog Waste War

An update received today from Neighbors of West Loop hints at the terrible battle being fought these days in the West Loop of Chicago:

Last Friday, 20 lawn signs went up reminding people to keep dogs and their waste away from the grassy areas at Mary Bartelme Park. By Saturday morning, someone had removed the signs and thrown them in nearby garbage cans. DNAinfo reported the matter Saturday afternoon.

Shortly after the DNAinfo article was posted, Nat Stewart tweeted to NoWL and DNAinfo’s Stephanie Lulay that he had pulled five of the signs out of the trash and reposted two of them. Around the same time, Twitter user WestLooper said rule-breaking dog owners could expect to see their photos posted publicly on the social media site. [No pictures, yet!]

WestLooper’s comment made the headline in DNAinfo’s next piece, but the real story was dog owners proposing a compromise that would allow leashed canines on one of the park’s grassy areas.

What do you think? Share your thoughts with us on Facebook or Twitter.


A West Looper

A West Looper



you picked up a poo?

Successful applauding executives sitting at the table


Hello world!

We moved to a new server!

Please be patient while we work out the hiccups.


scampering from the arm of the law


A rare picture sent to us by a correspondent captures poo scofflaws scampering from police in Cottontail park:


Probably the best picture of the Father, the Dog and the Child, it is a medium sized golden colored dog.  This pic even shows the two Police starting to walk through the park, they are right before the drinking fountain [at the top left].  After being talked to by the Police, which was likely ‘Hey, leash your dog!’, the Police even pointed to the dog, the adult leashed the dog, and the party walked off to the exit at Federal [on the northwest side of the park].  That gives us an idea where they live, i.e. Dearborn Park II, if they lived on State, they would have used the Plymouth exit…

That looks like a big dog.  That means they left us with a big poo.

It also means that the cops had an opportunity to earn a fat $500 check for the city. Too bad they missed that, huh?

And that poor kid, being brought up in a life of crime.

Such a shame.


your monthly business

It’s important to keep track of your time, isn’t it?

Scheduling your monthly business on the 2015 Monthly Doos dog poop calendar might be a good thing to do.


Every home should have one! $6.95 cheap! 

(And check out the rest of their site, the guy has gone poo crazy, poor fellow.)


Is this you?


poo bandit.


Sledding Kids Covered in Poop

The poo controversy builds at Bartelme Park:  Sledding Kids Covered With Dog Poop in West Loop, Neighbors Angry

This is particularly interesting because this park has a so called ‘Dog Friendly Area‘ that has, obviously, been rejected by a significant number of dog owners in the area.  Despite similar and substantial off-hours off-leash dog use at other Chicago parks, it’s rare to see this much poo controversy.

If you read the article, there seem to be a lot of comments that exhibit a patronizing disrespect for dog owners – who largely, just want to exercise their dogs.

Perhaps it’s worth considering – has the 4000 sq ft ‘DFA’ actually engendered mutual contempt? Seems more like a prison than a dog park to us:




Rockford District Council asks ‘Can We Make ‘Poo’ Go Viral?’ Yes, yes, we can!

We’ll be working on transcribing the lyrics so we can all sing along!



A Dog in a Sweater Doing Business:

dog_on_eBay_doing_businessBuy it now for $50,000.


The slow decay of winter poo

Everybody’s talking about it.

It’s been a bad winter in Chicago, and that means that as the snow melts several month’s worth of poo emerges.

You see the trash, broken bottles, cigarette butts, too…

But it’s the poo that gets the attention.

Fools at the Streeterville park leave dog shit in the tennis courts and get shut down!

Idiots at Coliseum Park leave dog shit all over the park…

But think about it.

It’s pretty straightforward to do the numbers.

All it takes is one dog owner leaving his dog’s poo behind every day for 60 days to mean that on some lovely March morning  in the melting snow pack there are 60 shits to gaze upon.

There are hundreds of dog owners around. 

It only takes the 1%.


Chicago Dog Owners Shame On You!!

jAN88dwvia Reddit


Poo Disaster at Coliseum Park

Poo Disaster at Coliseum Park:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.


dog crap!

Sloopin poster Paul Kersey is inflamed about Dog Crap in the South Loop!

Is anyone out there as sick and f…ing tired of the self entitled a..holes who don’t pick up there dogs crap in coliseum park as I am. I sure other parks have same issues. This morning this guy had 2 brown lab puppies and both crapped and he didn’t even think about it. WHAT CAN WE DO..


Whither South Poop?

Found on the internets:


Don’t worry y’all, we’ll be back!

Real life just gets in the way, you know?

We’re gearing up for a full schedule of South Poop posts and analyses in the coming year!


A massive poo to start the Fall poo season

A beautiful day for a walk with the pups!  Your South Poop correspondent was happily daydreaming about the miracle of the poo fairies that everyday magically appear to clear orphan poo from this corner of the South Loop.

But the first poo of Fall was indeed waiting somewhere out there, hidden in this colorful Halloween scene:

We wonder who will find it first?  A costumed child frolicking on a cool Fall day?  Or the grumpy lady walking home after a bad day at the office?  Or the rats… will the rats enjoy a tasty treat?

Can you find the poo?


Life Instructions

thx to Terrierman’s Daily Dose.


Tommy Two-Tone

A supporter of South Poop writes –

There’s a new BIG dog leaving poop on 15th Street.  Wonder what he’s been eating?  Let’s call him Tommy Two Tone!  Watch for him and his monster poos!


what a disappointment

Burnham Station Condominiums is no 1401 S. State St – the dog people there have a reputation as among the most responsible in the area.

But we found this unfortunate accident waiting for us on those grounds this morning. Somebody’s going to be tweeting about stepping in poo this AM:

It has been a while since we’ve seen something like this at Burnham Station. We hope it’s not the start of a disturbing new trend.

Poo Alley is just around the corner. Take it over there miscreant!


sad lonely poo

sad lonely poo

… looks like somebody is taking a sniff!


Poo Free Parks is looking for 10K signatures

Check out this PET-ition at!

I Want Poo Free Parks! Sign the PET-ition!

Dog owners, dog lovers, dog haters…no matter who you are, everyone despises stepping in POO at the park. The solution is proven and simple: provide the dog poo bags necessary for owners to pick up, and they will DOO it. Unfortunately, the cost for biodegradable bags, conveniently located dispensers, and continuous service is unaffordable for most park systems.

That’s when the Poo Free Parks Founder, Bill Airy, realized a brilliant solution: create a local business that provides a convenient and consistent supply of biodegradable bags to dog owners, but instead of charging the taxpayers, find local businesses who want to support the cause by advertising on a discrete sign attached to each station. This ensures that the dispenser stations are always filled with good quality biodegradable bags, free from graffiti and vandalism, and at no cost to the City or its taxpayers. Simple. Perfect.

Unfortunately, while your parks managers believe that this is a good program, there are a couple of residents out there who would claim that they speak for you, and would rather watch all of us step in poo than see this eco-friendly program enter our parks. They are putting up quite a stink, and this PET-ition serves as a way to turn their bark into the whimper that it really is.

Poo Free Parks® partners with municipalities around the nation to supply, install, and maintain eco-friendly pet clean-up stations, at no cost to the City or the taxpayer. Best of all, sponsorship revenues generated by Poo Free Parks® are shared with the park system for use towards other community programs.

If you feel that your park system should partner with Poo Free Parks, then please sign this PET-tion and pass it along.

Imagine – a poo bag dispenser on every corner…. It could happen.  And… it would cost us nothing. 

Find out more about Poo Free Parks, take a look at their interactive poo bag dispenser map (it’s teh awesome!), sign the PET-ition, and let your Alderman know you support the P0o Free Parks program!


find the poo!

Here’s a fun new game for kids and grown-ups everywhere!

Can you find the poo?



C. This is a hard one. Extra credit! 


poo in a bag or tasty treat?

Found this in an alleyway under the El:

The small rocks scooped up make it seem like a tasty treat!


big nasty one on wabash

Things seemed pretty clean on the streets during our walk with the pups this evening.

Until we came face to face with this:

Well sited, my friend.  It’s huge, but seems well camouflaged in the cracks and staining of the sidewalk. Dark, almost invisible, isn’t it? Sneaks up on you.

Some party-goer alighting their car will be stepping in that poo tonight for sure.

I don’t normally step in poo… but when I do, I prefer to step in a big nasty poo.



A lovely evening for poo

We tried to capture what a lovely evening for a poo it was –



american poo bag designers fight back

These hipsters are sure to be giving iScoopy Pal and poopoobags a run for their money!

These Olive ‘Unisex’ Poop Bags are:

  • Certified compostable
  • Olive poop bags are made from plant starches, biodegradable polymer and other renewable resources
  • Meet Califonia ASTM D6400 standards
  • No polyethylene use in the production process
  • DEN certified for restricted use of metals in the inks and dyes
  • GMO Free
  • Break down in 10-40 days
  • Manufactured in Norway, Belgium or the United States

So, there you go!


bags and scoops installed in Moscow parks

This is an old report from RT, and I can’t embed the video – so you’ll have to go to the link to view it – but it’s amusing nonetheless: “Clean a poop, save a child“.

When a dog’s got to do what a dog’s got to do, what do you do with a doggie doo?

It’s interesting to pick up on a couple of things… like the fact that Lyudmila here has been leaving Mika’s poo in the park for seven fricking years!  Mika is not a small dog.

Continue reading ‘bags and scoops installed in Moscow parks’


“pick up, it’s normal!”

These poo bag pouches carry a brilliant message (unfortunately they’re only available at select stores in France)!

Ramasser, c’est normal! 

Pick up, it’s normalexactly!

It’s not a stretch to say that most people, certainly most who don’t have dogs, think that it’s ‘weird‘ or ‘gross‘ to be picking up poo, and it’s not a stretch to think that if you walk away from your* poo, many folks would ‘understand’. But as long as it’s socially accepted to feel this way, the problem has to persist.

And finesadmonishments and scolding don’t address this.

“Pick up, it’s normal” does.  

Leave it to our European friends at Le Chien du Citoyen to figure this out!  



* If it’s ‘your’ dog, then it’s your poop!


lawn sausages will last for weeks / releasing noxious gas

Poetic genius from our friends at Snohomish County Public Works

If taking care of number two
is number one to you,
then picking up your doggy doo
should matter lots to you.

Continue reading ‘lawn sausages will last for weeks / releasing noxious gas’


Today’s Poo Fairy report

Today’s Poo Fairy report is for Cottontail Park, Chicago, IL




Orphan poos were picked up at and around Cottontail Park this morning.

Thank you, Poo Fairy!