Posts Tagged ‘Dog Poo


A technological fix?

The best technology for picking up dog poop largely depends on personal preference and specific circumstances. Here are some common options:

1. Poop Bags: Biodegradable poop bags are a simple and environmentally friendly choice. You can use them to scoop up the poop, tie the bag securely, and dispose of it in a trash bin.

2. Pooper Scoopers: Pooper scoopers are handheld devices with a scoop or jaws that can pick up dog poop without the need to touch it. They often have long handles to minimize bending. Some are designed for use with plastic bags or buckets to collect the waste.

3. Dog Poop Vacuum: There are vacuum-like devices specifically designed for cleaning up dog poop. These machines use suction to pick up the waste and deposit it into a disposable bag or container.

4. Dog Poop Bags with Built-in Scoops: Some poop bags come with a small, built-in scoop, making it easier to collect and contain the waste.

5. Dog Poop Scoop Bags: These bags have a scoop-like design and can be used to pick up and contain the poop in one step. They are convenient for quick cleanups.

6. Biodegradable Poop Scoop Bags: If you want an eco-friendly option, look for biodegradable poop bags and scoopers that are designed to break down more quickly in landfills.

7. Dog Poop Rakes: Poop rakes have a long handle and a rake-like head that can be used to scoop up dog poop from grassy areas, making them suitable for yards.

8. Gloves and Tongs: Some people prefer to wear disposable gloves and use kitchen tongs to pick up dog poop. This method allows for minimal contact with the waste.

Ultimately, the best technology for picking up dog poop depends on your preferences, the location of the poop (e.g., on a walk, in your yard), and your commitment to environmental sustainability. Always make sure to properly dispose of dog waste in designated bins or composting systems to keep your surroundings clean and hygienic.

> what is the best technology to pick up dog poo?


MAGA – poo


Folks, I’ve been walking the streets and I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Dog poop everywhere – it’s a disaster! Our sidewalks used to be pristine, but now they’re a minefield of canine waste. We can’t let this continue. It’s time to address the dog poop problem and make our neighborhoods beautiful again!

I’ve always said, we need to be tough on poop, and I know how to get things done. I’m the only one who can fix this mess. We’re going to build a wall – a beautiful, tremendous wall – to keep those little gifts off our sidewalks. And who’s going to pay for it? Not you, not me – the irresponsible dog owners will foot the bill!

It’s time to take action, folks. I’ve got the best people working on this, believe me. We’re going to implement a poop registry – every dog will be accounted for, and if they leave their business behind, we’ll know exactly who’s responsible. No more hiding in the shadows!

And let’s not forget our incredible clean-up teams – they’re going to be the best, the very best. We’ll have them out there 24/7, making sure our streets are poop-free. And I promise you, we’ll do it under budget and ahead of schedule – that’s how we operate!

So, fellow citizens, let’s join together and tackle this dog poop problem head-on. Together, we’ll make our sidewalks great again! 🇺🇸🐕💩 #PoopFreeStreets #MakeSidewalksGreatAgain

> write about the dog poop problem as if you were donald trump


Am I The Asshole?

In the morning light, beneath the sky so blue,
A tale unfolds, of dog poo not in view.
On the sidewalk’s canvas, a surprise to find,
A creation left behind, not of the canine kind.

A squishy mound, an unwelcome surprise,
The sidewalk now adorned, to the passerby’s eyes.
A puzzle unsolved, a mystery untold,
Whose furry companion left this gift bold?

Was it Rover, with his wagging tail,
Or Fido, whose antics often set sail?
A canine culprit, leaving clues in the dew,
A silent witness to the deed that once grew.

But in this tale of canine waste,
There’s a question lingering, a bit misplaced.
As the sidewalk witnesses this canine goal,
One must ponder, “Am I the asshole?”

For judgment cast upon this scene,
Isn’t just about where the droppings have been.
Reflect upon actions, consider the role,
In this urban ballet, does one play the troll?

So, in the end, as the story’s thread unfolds,
Remember the lesson that this short tale holds.
In the realm of sidewalks and doggie doo,
Ask yourself this question: “Am I the asshole too?”

> write a short poem about dog poo, and end asking ‘am i the asshole’?


Please pick up your dog’s poop!

Download, print, post, and get yours here:


A Spoonful of Responsibility

Picking up after your dog is a crucial part of responsible pet ownership. While most people use dedicated tools like poop bags or scoopers, there’s an unusual method that has garnered some attention – picking up dog poop with a spoon. Using a spoon to pick up dog poop is undoubtedly unconventional. Instead of relying on tools designed specifically for this purpose, some dog owners have found success using a simple kitchen utensil.  Here, we’ll explore the concept of using a spoon for this task, its pros and cons, and whether it’s a viable option.

The Spoon Method.  Here’s how it works:

  1. Choose the Right Spoon: Not just any spoon will do. A sturdy, long-handled spoon with a flat, wide head is recommended for this job.
  2. Prepare a Clean Bag: Before you start, make sure you have a resealable plastic bag ready. You’ll place the waste in the bag once you’ve scooped it up.
  3. Scoop Carefully: Approach the dog waste with caution, and then gently scoop it up using the spoon, taking care not to touch it directly.
  4. Transfer to Bag: After scooping, carefully deposit the waste into the plastic bag.
    Seal and Dispose: Seal the bag securely and dispose of it in a designated waste bin.

The Pros of Using a Spoon

  1. Eco-Friendly: If you’re using a reusable spoon, this method reduces your reliance on single-use plastic bags or scoopers, making it a more environmentally friendly option.
  2. Cost-Effective: Reusable spoons are readily available in most households, so there’s no additional expense associated with this method.
  3. Compact and Portable: A spoon takes up very little space, making it a convenient option for dog owners on the go.
  4. Hygienic: Using a spoon can keep your hands cleaner than picking up waste directly, provided you handle it carefully.

The Cons of Using a Spoon

  1. Mess Potential: Picking up dog poop with a spoon can be messier and riskier than using dedicated tools, especially if you’re not careful.
  2. Unsanitary: Even with careful handling, using a spoon may not be as sanitary as using dedicated waste bags or scoopers.
  3. Social Stigma: Some people may find it unusual or unsightly to see someone using a spoon to pick up dog poop, which could lead to social discomfort or awkward encounters.
  4. Lack of Precision: Spoons are not designed for picking up dog waste, so it might be less efficient and effective than purpose-built tools.


Using a spoon to pick up dog poop may not be the most practical or hygienic method available. Dedicated scoopers or waste bags are designed for this purpose and are generally more efficient and less messy. However, if you find yourself without these tools in a pinch, a spoon can serve as a makeshift solution.

> discuss picking up dog poop with a spoon



I saw the best minds of a canine generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
Dragging themselves through the sidewalks at dawn, finding a worthy spot to unload
A filthy pile of intestinal concoction, steaming and rank, leaving an offering to the Gods of the street.

Barking, furiously, their noses to the ground, animals searching for a suitable place,
Where their innermost secrets can be expelled, a ritual of bodily liberation,
While hipsters in coffeeshops sip lattes, oblivious to the profound excretions outside.

Who howled and whimpered to submit to the primal call of nature,
Who sniffed and scratched, seeking solace in the aromas, traces of their brethren,
Who left their mark, a brown graffiti, on the urban canvas.

Who wagged their tails in innocent joy, ignorant of the chaos left behind,
Who breached the boundaries of decorum and cleanliness,
Who embraced their true selves, uncensored and unashamed.

I saw the best minds of a canine generation, unburdened by human judgment,
Creating their art in the unexpected places, a testament to their authentic lives,
Lifting their legs, marking their territory, leaving a message for all who pass by.

O dog poets of the pavement, your fecal verses play along the sidewalks,
A symphony of scents, a mosaic of messages, a reminder. Life’s beauty
Lies in its expressions of existence.

> dog poo verse in the style of allen ginsberg


“Theses on Canine Feculence”

  1. The traditional consideration of canine feculence has been, hitherto, confined within the bounds of common perception and bourgeois morality, neglecting its profound significance in the materialist conception of the world.
  2. Philosophers have variously interpreted and described dog excrement, but the point is to change it – to recognize it not as a mere inconvenience, but as a product of underlying socio-economic and environmental factors.
  3. The canine fecal matter, though seemingly banal, carries within it the traces of the socioeconomic relations of its production. It is a manifestation of the dialectical interplay between the domesticated animal and its human caretakers.
  4. The production and disposal of dog excrement reveal the contradictions within capitalist urban environments. While property owners are responsible for their pets, it is the marginalized laborers who are often tasked with cleaning the streets, exemplifying the alienation inherent in class societies.
  5. The fetishism of cleanliness perpetuates an illusion that dog waste can be eradicated entirely, obscuring the inherent reality of its production and the ecological balance it embodies.
  6. The societal norms surrounding dog waste mirror the superstructural ideologies that conceal the material conditions of production. Just as religion and ideology veil the economic base, the repugnance toward dog feces masks the larger forces at play.
  7. The contradiction between public spaces contaminated with dog waste and the utopian vision of a pristine environment reflects the broader contradictions between the ideals of capitalism and its actual ecological consequences.
  8. Philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to understand dog excrement and its relation to the forces of production. To do so requires acknowledging its role in the cycle of consumption, labor, and waste within the capitalist framework.
  9. The excretion of dogs transcends its immediate presence, revealing insights into the nature of social relations and the potential for transformation. To neglect its study is to overlook a crucial avenue for critiquing the prevailing order.
  10. The transformation of society requires not only the theoretical understanding of dog feculence but also the active engagement with the material conditions that produce and dispose of it. Only through such praxis can a new paradigm emerge.
  11. Philosophers must cease their fixation on idealism and embrace the materialist analysis of dog feces as a microcosm of the contradictions inherent in capitalist society. The ultimate goal is not only to interpret the world of excrement but to change the world that produces it.

    > write about dog poo as marx wrote his theses on feuerbach
    Note: This text is a hypothetical interpretation of how Marx might have written theses about poo. It’s meant as an intellectual and stylistic illustration, rather than as an accurate representation of his views on dog feces.



“Talking Poo Spreads Joy”

Once upon a time, in a quaint little town nestled between rolling hills and meandering streams, there was an extraordinary event that would forever change the lives of its residents. It all began one sunny morning when a rather unexpected character made its debut on the cobblestone streets.

A lone dog poo, a rather unassuming and ordinary pile of waste, suddenly found itself stirring to life. As it blinked its tiny, imaginary eyes, it realized with great surprise that it was no longer just a discarded nuisance on the roadside. It had transformed into something more, something alive.

Confusion gave way to curiosity, and the dog poo tentatively wiggled and squirmed its way to its imaginary feet. As it stood there, it felt a strange sensation – an urge to explore the world around it. With a determined wiggle, it took its first, somewhat wobbly steps onto the path.

The town, though small, was bustling with activity. Market stalls lined the streets, children played in the park, and the townspeople went about their daily routines. And there, in the midst of it all, the walking dog poo made its grand entrance.

Passersby did double-takes, their eyes widening in disbelief as they spotted the tiny, animated heap moving along the sidewalk. A gasp of surprise rippled through the crowd, and soon a curious and amused crowd had gathered around the peculiar spectacle. The dog poo, however, was oblivious to the attention it was receiving, focused on its newfound freedom and the desire to explore.

As the dog poo meandered through the town, it greeted everyone it encountered with a cheerful “hello!” It seemed to have an uncanny ability to communicate without words, and its enthusiastic greetings spread smiles and laughter among the townspeople. Some laughed so hard that tears streamed down their cheeks, while others simply shook their heads in bewilderment.

The dog poo’s journey took it through the town square, where it encountered a friendly old man feeding pigeons. “Well, hello there, little fella,” the man chuckled, patting the dog poo gently on its… well, its head, so to speak. The dog poo responded with a contented wiggle, and the old man couldn’t help but laugh heartily.

Next, the dog poo made its way to the local bakery, where the baker was kneading dough for fresh loaves of bread. “Hello!” the dog poo chirped, drawing a startled yelp from the baker. After a moment of stunned silence, even he found himself chuckling at the absurdity of the situation.

Throughout its journey, the dog poo spread joy, laughter, and a sense of unity among the townspeople. It wasn’t long before word of the walking, talking dog poo reached every corner of the town, and people from neighboring villages came to see the unusual sight for themselves.

Eventually, the dog poo’s adventure came to an end as it reached the outskirts of the town. It paused, looking back at the place it had explored, the people it had greeted, and the smiles it had inspired. With a final cheerful wiggle, it settled down and gradually transformed back into a motionless pile.

The townspeople, though sad to see the magical encounter end, felt a newfound sense of camaraderie and connection. The memory of the walking dog poo lived on as a testament to the unexpected joy that could be found in the most unlikely places.

And so, the once-ordinary dog poo, through a twist of fate and a sprinkle of magic, left an indelible mark on the town and its people, reminding them all that even the most unconventional things could bring moments of wonder and happiness.

> write a story about a dog poo that wakes up on the road, then walks about the town saying hello


“unwanted gift”

Amidst grass it lay,
Unwanted gift on display,
Nature’s art dismayed.

> again, dog poo haiku please


“Same Substance Battle”

Once upon a time an unexpected threat emerged in the form of the “Crottes de Chien,” a mischievous and peculiar alien species known for their peculiar affinity for dog poop. These aliens were on a mission to collect and harness the energy contained within canine excrement, viewing it as a valuable resource to power their advanced technology. They arrived on Earth with their bizarre machinery and set out to gather as much dog poop as possible, causing confusion and consternation among humans.

As the Crottes de Chien invasion unfolded, Earth’s inhabitants were left both bewildered and disgusted by the alien visitors’ strange mission. However, humanity’s resilient spirit and clever problem-solving capabilities came to the forefront. Recognizing the peculiar nature of the threat, governments, scientists, and dog owners united to devise an unconventional defense strategy: the Forces of Dog Poop.

The Forces of Dog Poop consisted of an eclectic group of individuals, including dog trainers, waste management experts, and even some enthusiastic pet dogs themselves. They harnessed the power of dog poop in innovative ways, turning it into a formidable tool against the Crottes de Chien.

Here’s how the thwarting of the invasion unfolded:

  1. The Poopapult: Ingenious engineers developed a massive slingshot-like device, affectionately dubbed the “Poopapult.” This contraption flung bags of dog poop at high velocity towards the Crottes de Chien’s machines, gumming up their intricate mechanisms and rendering them useless.
  2. The Stink Suppressor: A team of scientists created a chemical spray that neutralized the distinctive odor of dog poop, rendering the Crottes de Chien disoriented and confused. This allowed the Forces of Dog Poop to sneak up on the alien invaders and disrupt their activities.
  3. The Canine Calvary: Specially trained dogs were enlisted to engage in tactical maneuvers, using their keen senses to detect the presence of Crottes de Chien and their machines. The dogs played a crucial role in guiding human forces to strategic locations and providing advance warning.
  4. Poop-powered Distraction: The Forces of Dog Poop staged a daring diversion by strategically placing bags of dog poop throughout key areas, attracting the attention of the Crottes de Chien and drawing them away from populated areas. This allowed humans to gain the upper hand in strategic planning.

In the end, the combination of quirky ingenuity, teamwork, and a healthy dose of humor allowed the Forces of Dog Poop to successfully thwart the Crottes de Chien invasion. The aliens, bewildered and defeated by Earth’s unorthodox defenses, retreated to their spaceships and departed the planet, never to return. The event went down in history as a testament to humanity’s ability to come together and overcome even the most unusual and unexpected challenges.

> imagine an invasion by the crottes de chien that is thwarted by the forces of dog poop

It seems like you’re asking about a battle between two things that are essentially the same: “crottes de chien” is French for “dog poop.” So, a battle between “crottes de chien” and “dog poop” would essentially be a battle between two different ways of referring to the same thing. Since they are the same substance, there wouldn’t be any actual difference between the two, and there wouldn’t be a meaningful battle to imagine.


“Love Song of J. Alfred Poo-frock”

Let us trot then, you and I,
Where pooches dare to squat and sigh,
A furry bard with tails to ply,
Among the grass where treasures lie.

Yellow streetlamps with a flicker,
Reveal the paths where canines bicker,
Among the gardens, they’re the pickers,
In moonlit nights, a scent-filled liquor.

The moon retreats, the stars are bright,
Above the lawns of the silent night,
There, ‘neath the trees, in plain sight,
Lie parcels left by nature’s might.

Oh, do they dare remain ignored,
These offerings left untoward?
Full of stories yet unexplored,
In each mound, a mystery stored.

And should I, with bag in hand,
Dispose of waste so nobly planned?
Or let it linger, mark the land,
A silent story, hard to withstand?

Oh, Fido, do you pause and ponder,
As you squat and pause yonder,
What legacies you leave behind,
In each pile left for humankind?

Do you measure out your days,
In steaming heaps and odorous sprays,
Wondering if these trails you blaze,
Will echo in the nights and days?

So let us wander, you and I,
In that realm where dog waste lies,
With every mound that meets the eye,
A chapter in the canine’s sigh.

And as we tread upon this earth,
A symphony of scents and mirth,
Remember well the stories told,
In each little mound, a tale unfolds.

“> the first few verses of the love song of j alfred prufrock, but make it about dog poo”


“a vital part”

Upon the verdant grass it rests, a foul surprise,
A canine’s mark left behind, nature’s call obeyed,
A pungent scent wafts through the air, the scene defies,
This uninvited presence, a mess to be conveyed.

Its texture vile, its color a repulsive brown,
A testament to digestion’s work, not to admire,
Yet even in its unpleasant state, a lesson’s found,
In cycles of life and waste, we can’t deny or tire.

The sun above casts its warm and golden light,
Illuminating this unsightly, grotesque creation,
A reminder of the balance in nature’s daily fight,
Between beauty and decay, a constant oscillation.

As time passes, the odor fades, the mess erased,
But the memory lingers, a lesson to impart,
In this cycle of life, nothing’s to be replaced,
For even the unpleasant plays a role, a vital part.

So let this doggie deposit, though offensive to the nose,
Serve as a reminder of life’s intricate dance,
In the grand tapestry of existence, each piece compose,
A mosaic of experiences, a fate we all enhance.

> dog poo sestina please


“foul gift”

Foul gift on the ground,
Nature’s call left to be found,
Brown beneath the sun.

> dog poo haiku please


“Puppy Sees a Poo”

Once upon a sunny day, Puppy woke up with a wagging tail.

Puppy was soft and white with big spots.

Puppy liked to explore and play.

Puppy’s friend, Jane, had bright eyes and a happy smile.

“Let’s go, Puppy!” Jane said, holding a red leash.

Puppy barked and wiggled with joy.

With the leash on, they went outside.

Puppy and Jane walked on a path.

Puppy sniffed flowers and waved to squirrels.

Puppy even said hello to birds in the trees.

Then, Puppy stopped.

What did Puppy see?

Yucky poo!

“Eww, Puppy, no!” Jane said, pulling Puppy away.

But Puppy had an idea.

Puppy remembered something fun.

Puppy pawed the ground, covering the yucky poo with leaves.

Jane laughed. “Silly Puppy!”

Puppy felt happy. They walked some more.

They crossed a bridge over water and went to a shady spot.

Under the trees, Puppy saw something shiny. A golden acorn!

Puppy picked it up!

“Look, Puppy, a treasure!” Jane clapped.

Puppy and Jane went home.

The golden acorn sat on a shelf. Puppy dreamed of more fun.

Puppy and Jane had many adventures.

They played and laughed every day.

The end.

> Write a story about dog poo for a baby’s picture book



scampering from the arm of the law


A rare picture sent to us by a correspondent captures poo scofflaws scampering from police in Cottontail park:


Probably the best picture of the Father, the Dog and the Child, it is a medium sized golden colored dog.  This pic even shows the two Police starting to walk through the park, they are right before the drinking fountain [at the top left].  After being talked to by the Police, which was likely ‘Hey, leash your dog!’, the Police even pointed to the dog, the adult leashed the dog, and the party walked off to the exit at Federal [on the northwest side of the park].  That gives us an idea where they live, i.e. Dearborn Park II, if they lived on State, they would have used the Plymouth exit…

That looks like a big dog.  That means they left us with a big poo.

It also means that the cops had an opportunity to earn a fat $500 check for the city. Too bad they missed that, huh?

And that poor kid, being brought up in a life of crime.

Such a shame.